Happy Easter

Back when I was in college, I had swallowed a strong dose of Christian Fundamentalism that left me with the metaphysical equivalent an upset stomach. I wrestled over-and-over with the grand question of God and how to apply the supposed "truth" that I was hearing from evangelicals and the pulpit day-in and day-out. Like a samurai's sword, the constant obsession with saving the infidel's soul from hell cleanly divided the world into two parts--the saved and the unsaved. I felt confident that the Bible, instead of being an extremely powerful and mysterious book of history, was theologically reduced to the equivalent of a 10-step, one-page pamphlet starting with saving your soul all the way down to living a harmonious and successful life with Jesus.

This focus alienated me as I had difficulty in recognizing the enigma of man and his role in the universe. How man being such a nobel and special creature capable of such greatness, is also so utterly cruel and ruthless. When I went looking for answers to these questions, bumpersticker, knee-jerk responses like, "You just need to have faith," "God told me that it was true," "The Devil is trying to influence you" and "I didn't have any meaning in my life until I met Jesus," would often be repeated. The trivality of such complex questions were repeated with the frequency and deepness of thought of an explitive laden sailor trying to find a suitable adjective. Needless to say, once I was able to overcome the guilt involved, it didn't take long for me to walk out on this world.

My search did not end there. Through a long and horribly drawn out process, I continued to pursue these questions and come to an understanding of Orthodox Christianity that was much different from the simplistic, watered down, thoughtless, yet zealous and forceful Fundamentalist view. If you want to know what this looks like, read today's post by Wretchard at "The Belmont Club". I would like to emphasize when he says:

Both Alyosha, Sensing and Tillich assert that only solution to this conundrum is a meta-answer: guilt will be met with forgiveness; the universe is broken, but it will be swept away. We shall die but we will be raised up again. The lion will lie down beside the Lamb, and a little Child will lead them.

...Many think this is dysfunctional fantasy, but in practice it is not. Live and be not afraid.

At my moment of epiphany, like the character Lt. Ronald Spiers in "Band of Brothers," who said, "We're all scared. You hid in that ditch because you think there's still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function," I realized that I was already dead. This life will never deliver me, or anyone else, appropriate justice other than to perish. My hope lies in the faith that I will be resurrected by the One who lived in time, space and history and promised my redemption by acknowledging the need to be rescued from my inevitable condition.

This is what I celebrate today and everyday in the hopes that I will be able to, as Wretchard says, "Live and be not afraid."