"I Picked a Bad Day to Stop Sniffing Glue"

A little bit of Monday lunch-time hyperbole:

For all of you blog people, you probably found all of this on Drudge, but since I have a substantial non-blogging readership (read 3 out of my 5 total readers), here are two pillars of the self-loathing anti-American progressivist camp are having a complete meltdown. First up, Michael Moore who is fatter than a whaleshark that just swallowed Dom Deluise and Carny Wilson the brain behind the anti-Bush film Fahrenheit 9/11, doesn't like what he is seeing in Canada:

Oh, Canada -- you're not really going to elect a Conservative majority on Monday, are you? That's a joke, right? I know you have a great sense of humor, and certainly a well-developed sense of irony, but this is no longer funny. Maybe it's a new form of Canadian irony -- reverse irony! OK, now I get it. First, you have the courage to stand against the war in Iraq -- and then you elect a prime minister who's for it. You declare gay people have equal rights -- and then you elect a man who says they don't. You give your native peoples their own autonomy and their own territory -- and then you vote for a man who wants to cut aid to these poorest of your citizens. Wow, that is intense! Only Canadians could pull off a hat trick of humor like that. My hat's off to you.

Far be it from me, as an American, to suggest what you should do. You already have too many Americans telling you what to do. Well, actually, you've got just one American who keeps telling you to roll over and fetch and sit. I hope you don't feel this appeal of mine is too intrusive but I just couldn't sit by, as your friend, and say nothing. Yes, I agree, the Liberals have some 'splainin' to do. And yes, one party in power for more than a decade gets a little... long. But you have a parliamentary system (I'll bet you didn't know that -- see, that's why you need Americans telling you things!). There are ways at the polls to have your voices heard other than throwing the baby out with the bath water.

These are no ordinary times, and as you go to the polls on Monday, you do so while a man running the nation to the south of you is hoping you can lend him a hand by picking Stephen Harper because he's a man who shares his world view. Do you want to help George Bush by turning Canada into his latest conquest? Is that how you want millions of us down here to see you from now on? The next notch in the cowboy belt? C'mon, where's your Canadian pride? I mean, if you're going to reduce Canada to a cheap download of Bush & Co., then at least don't surrender so easily. Can't you wait until he threatens to bomb Regina? Make him work for it, for Pete's sake.

But seriously, I know you're not going to elect a guy who should really be running for governor of Utah. Whew! I knew it! You almost had me there. Very funny. Don't do that again. God, I love you, you crazy cold wonderful neighbors to my north. Don't ever change.

Michael Moore

Michael, where's the French translation? Don't you know that most of your fans in Quebec don't have a sense of humor speak English? You typical, ignorant, jingoistic, American bastard.

Canada, make us proud. From now we'd like to tell people like Michael, if you don't like it, move to Canada France. Although, with Chirac threatening terrorists with nukes, Michael may be putting himself in the middle of another rightward migration.

However, I do acknowledge that it is very possible that Canada is only voting this way because they want to make sure that all of Hollywood stays out of their country. Very Machiavellian of you hosers.

Now, here is Saddam Hussein's mouthpiece Progressive #2, George Galloway:

There are...no...words...

Please, somebody help me. I'm unclean and am getting very cold. You must kill a marsupial in its place, and then pour the blood on the altar to make it go away.

Make it...:::shivers:::

..go..:::eyes welling up with tears::::

...away...:::vomits up own shoes::::