Tony From South Philly, You're on the Air...

For those of you in the know (3 out of my 5 readers), I went to high school outside of Philadelphia in the mid-nineties. I moved there during my sophomore year, and even though I only spent three-continuous years there, I felt as if I drank through the firehose which is the Philadelphia experience. It left me woozy, dizzy, confused and a little angry, but I somehow ended up being the only male over the age of 15 to not have a waistline over 36 inches.

During my high school years, I worked part-time at a very prominent, but family-run printing company that was East Coast Italian to the core. Nepotism showed no bounds, as the maintenence guys were just as likely to be repairing something in the building as picking up sticks and mowing the lawns of the owner's second cousin's house. Plus I learned an important equation that would I will never forget as long as I live:

I + i'+ (P x bc') = BOOM^3

Derived: (I) Italians + (i') a handful of firey and proud Irishmen + (P) Philadelphia x (bc') blue collar = (BOOM^3) a concentration of explosive energy so massive, Iran would be much schrewder in trying to harness it over challenging the world with uranium enrichment.

Case in point: a 270 lbs Irish man who worked in receiving picked up a 400 lbs palette containing fresh ink with a hand-held, electric palette jack. He moved it over to the 16-color Heidleberg Press, and after setting it down, ripped a fart that reverberated so loudly, it made the guys working on the press actually jump down in fear that something was severely jammed in the press. When the foreman, a 5'6" Italian, realized what the source of the sound was, he ran across the room, picked up cardboard tube about 4 ft long/5 inches in diameter, and started to beat the living piss out of the gaseous perpetrator while reeling off a string of obsenities with a filthiness, ferociousness and vitriol that would have made the crossbred spaun of a wolverine and Richard Pryor sheepish and self-conscious.

Naturally, the Irishman retaliated by emptying the methane, in what I am assuming was probably his third stomach, that was even louder and more potenent than the first surprise-warning shot. Fearing for my life, I ran for the nearest exit, but heard a rumble from the warehouse that was irrily similar the fight Paul Buyan had with Big Blue. Assuming of course that the foul language being tossed around made up for the 150 pound differential.

So, this is the environment in which I was exposed to the phenomenon of Philadelphia Sports Radio (WIP). I am convinced that WIP is not really an actual sports station, but a front for some kind of nefarious group who's purpose is to incite a riot large enough to overthrow the government. This anarchist radio would play from the time Howard Stern got off the air at around 10:30 am until Howard found his way back on the air again at 7:00 am the next day. If it wasn't for Howard Stern anesthetizing the masses for several hours-a-day, I'm convinced the warehouse would have ended up like this:

WIP allocates a large portion of their programming to allow Philadelphians to "sound-off" on various issues related to sports. As a pretty close to free-speech absolutist, I usually applaud those outlets that encourage debate and free-flow of ideas between pundits and listeners. But, if you have ever heard Philadelphians calling into sports radio the Monday morning after an Eagles loss, you'll regret ever putting the title "absolutist" next to free-speech. Here is an example of a typical caller-radio host exchange that I overheard sometime around 1993:

"We are discussing the mauling Cowboys gave the Eagles yesterday, and we're taking calls for the next hour. Tony from South Philly, you are on the air..."

"Hey! This is Tony from South Philly. I have two questions for you: first, the Eagles are number one, second, the next time Randall Cunningham runs out of the pocket on 3rd and long, should I lacerate his eyeballs?"

As soon as Tony finished his rhetorical analysis as to the Eagles' third down woes, one of the more mellow gentleman on the printing press floor who operated one of the paper cutting machines, a 68-year old Italian man, said, "F--k that effin' Cunningham darkie. Tony is right! If Cunningham had his eyes lacerated, he wouldn't be able to run outside the pocket and he might actually throw the ball down the field for once in his freaking life."

I looked at him to see if he was kidding, but the man who had been working with a 500 pound, 5-foot long blade all day long, was clearly not kidding. I figured as he put another stack of paper up to be cut, he was imagining taking the embattled Eagles' Quarterback into his private quarters for an optical adjustment.

So, in this atmosphere, it comes to no surprise that when the biggest loudmouth in sports history, Terrell Owens, joined the Eagles, he would find himself in a spot, taking the full brunt of the raging Philly hostility harnessed by "sports" radio.

This was all a long a bloated way of describing the backdrop to this story:

Philadelphia Eagles' quarterback Donovan McNabb took another hit Wednesday, this time from a former teammate and current Eagles' employee.

Former defensive end Hugh Douglas told radio station WIP that McNabb isn't the type of man to lead the Eagles, The Philadelphia Inquirer reported.

"The thing that Donovan needs -- it's been proven, especially this year -- he needs other people to lead," Douglas told the radio station. "He's not a leader. He doesn't want to lead. He is the leader on the field as a quarterback; he isn't a team leader. He needs a good supporting cast."

Contacted Wednesday night by the Inquirer, the 34-year-old Douglas modified the statement about McNabb, but only slightly.

Of course he "modified the statement," he was on WIP. Philadelphia sports radio lives on this stuff. They love controversy, they love to get angry, and they looooove a villian. Terrell Owens for all intents and purposes is out of Philadelphia. Is there anything out there than can provide the fuel for the fire of fury that rages? I'm not sure one can match Terrell's drama, but it looks like they are going to continue with their attacks on Philly's other superstar quarterback. The national sports news media might want to be careful wandering into the world that is WIP because if there is vitriol out there, they will find it and embrace it and ESPN is ignorant if they think they can leverage it.

Posted by 10 fingers 6 strings at February 3, 2006 01:09 PM | TrackBack