Fear of Sectarian Violence Soars in March

For the month of March, Tenfingers6Strings will be covering college basketball for the NY Times with the aim of helping the average reader to understand the greater implications. Due to the editors at the NY Times, I have decided to publish my articles in full, including any items that the editors removed. Those passages will be posted with a strike through.

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Sectarian tension has never been higher. Fears of civil war and irreparable damage to internal harmony are on the minds of many Americans as we begin our decent into Conference Tournament play.

"I'd rather eat sh*t than lose to Kentucky," says University of Florida alumni Miller Folsom, "I'll be rooting for the Gators to win, and for the Wildcats to die."

Miller Folsom is just one of millions this week who will be threatening to end the fragile peace that was instituted just shortly after the college football bowls were over. Stadiums across the country will be filled with those blindly lending their hand to support their tribes. "Can't we all just get along" will not be on the minds of these rabid partisans.

As tensions rise at the end of the college basketball season, many Americans are hoping that vivid memories (pictured above) of sectarian violence are a thing of the past.

The Big 10 tournament is scheduled to open this Thursday in Indianapolis. I must divulge my bias and state for the record that I graduated from Indiana University. I will be doing my best to report on the Big 10 Tournament without bias, but in the end I'm a proud Hoosier that hopes they'll succeed in March. I found a few Indiana Hoosier fans wandering around Conseco Field House hoping to get last minute tickets to watch Indiana take on Wisconsin on Friday.

"They beat us pretty good the last time. This time we have the advantage. Ted and I bought a couple of badgers from an online exotic pet dealer, and we ritualistically slaughtered them in my backyard. We soaked their dripping carcasses in gasoline, and our neighbors came out to participate. A virgin stepped forward and lit them on fire."

"Hey, I lit them on fire!" exclaimed Ted.

I asked them if they were concerned that the tenuous peace formed in January was about to be derailed.

"(Explitive) no! I'm a Hoosier, not some peace-lovin' hippy!"

Ted's only fear is how they'll perform the next ritual if they have to face the Nittany Lions again.

If you think this type of mindset is only prevalent in the flyover states Midwest, think again. New York City typically more sophisticated and understanding is hosting the Big East tournament and rival fans have never been more divided.

"We split with Vanilla-Nova Villanova during the season, but Rudy Gay and UConn will make sure that these fascist pigs find their way back to the Philly suburbs earlier than planned," said a man who would only go by the name of "Seth."

However, in the midst of all this division, one thing that has been common throughout, is universal hatred for Duke Basketball.

"That smarmy sum-bitch Coack K, with their goober fan base can take a long walk of a short pier," grizzled 83 year-old Stanford alumn, Ethel Hodge, "cookie anyone?"

"I think the college basketball world will unite around routing for the Blue Devils to lose. This could be enough to hold America together during this deeply divided time," stated sociology professor, Dr. Harold Smith of Yale University.

Dick Vitale, ESPN commentator and Coack K lapdog, countered Dr. Smith's assessment by saying, "Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke, Baby!"

Dr. Smith had some advice for fans, "It would be prudent and wise while you are routing for your favorite basketball team avoid provoking fans from opposing teams." Mostly he recommended, "to avoid wearing inflamatory t-shirts that say things like 'Puck Furdue,' and things of that nature (It must be stated for the record that Purdue will not be in this year's NCAA tournament for the fifth year in a row). Mostly, at all costs, avoid holding signs outwardly taunting the intelligence or record of the opposing team or fans."

Smith offers alternatives to partisan divide, "It would be best to just clap, and sometimes say in a tone of voice just a little louder than your inside voice, 'Go Team,' if events are in your favor. At the end of the game if your team wins, it would be good to give a genuine warm embrace and maybe feel a little empathy for the opposing fan. Remember that they paid $500 just like you and how would you like it if you had to go home early?"

Empathy seems to escape the North Carolina fans pouring into Greensboro, North Carolina, "We are the defending champs and we're here to defend our title," said 'Biggs' a 6-foot 4-inch Chapel Hill native holding a Coach K effigy with a rope around his neck.

Clearly these are trying times, which most Americans assume will get worse before they get better. I will report from the trenches this week to deliver the latest during this upcoming, month-long crisis.

Posted by 10 fingers 6 strings at March 7, 2006 08:46 AM | TrackBack