Corporate Donkey Shows

Ok, I kinda lied--I'm back, but only briefly. I happen to be a passive participant in probably the most inane and positively ridiculous conference calls in the history of corporate existence (read: calling in and saying, "uh-huh, yep, possibly, maybe later and probably not" at seemingly random intervals, while everyone else marks their territories and continue with the genital measuring contest). Well, God gave mankind two things I that has saved my ass today: coffee and wireless internet, and for that I owe my eternal gratitude.

So, in this meeting, eight alpha males (of who, six have advanced degrees) have to come up with an urgent solution to a problem:

Harvard Guy: I don't believe you are qualified to make that statement.
Princeton Guy: You asked for my opinion.
Harvard: For three years I have been asking your opinion and, given your recent promotion, I figured it would count for something.
Princeton: Whoever said my opinion counted for something was operation under the same false assumptions that allowed you to get into and graduate from Havard.
Harvard: Lemme get this straight, you are saying (insert arcane reiteration of exactly what Princeton said that has no relevence to anyone who wasn't in the room ).
Princeton: Um, sure, if you want to reduce it to it's simplest form, but I believe the way I aritculated was a bit more colorful through the use of words with multiple syllables and metaphors that give dimensionality to this abstract concept of which I was trying to give understanding.
Harvard: So we agree?
Princeton: I think.
Me: Uh-huh...

The urgent problem we are trying to solve is what kind of food and booze we want have for our monthly, departmental "party." This should be a conference call that takes 5 minutes, everyone talks about how beer and margaritas are awesome and that we should buy lots of it to share with our co-workers who work so hard during the week. Instead, it has degraded into yet another contest about whose wee-wee protrudes farther from his lower abdominal region than the other Ivy League guy. After the smoke cleared, the conversation turned to me:

Harvard: You went to Indiana, you are probably better versed throwing parties within budget than we are. What can we get for $500?
Me: 25 lap dances or, since the "party" has a Mexican theme, how about 250 donkey shows?
Princeton: How about 10 donkey shows, and 24 lap dances? One time in my fraternity we...
Me: Uh-huh...yep...uh-huh...

One-hour and seven-minutes later, beer and margaritas it was.