I've had a 1000% increase in emails over the past few days thanking me greatly for resuming posting. Naturally, I've responded to this gratitude by not posting for another week. But I have been called back by the greater good of mankind due to empirical research conducted by the TenFingers6Strings.com staff which has determined that there has been a giant vacuum in the Internet/World Wide Web in my absense filled by the annoying rants and relentless spam of Ron Paul supporters. I am really, really deeply sorry about that. If I'd known what would have happened had I reduced my ginormous footprint, I would have been writing every single day.

Anyway, I'm deeply passionate about following the behavioral oddities of our fellow man, so look no further than the latest bastion of primitivism trying to pose itself as populist, yet communalistic; bourgeois, yet bohemian; black, yet white. It seems that many of the granola hippies of Vermont are so free lovin', they are heading down to meet and embrace their newly found brothers in arms, the neo-Confederates, to "discuss" secession from the Union:

In an unlikely marriage of desire to secede from the United States, two advocacy groups from opposite political traditions — New England and the South — are sitting down to talk.

Tired of foreign wars and what they consider right-wing courts, the Middlebury Institute wants liberal states like Vermont to be able to secede peacefully.

That sounds just fine to the League of the South, a conservative group that refuses to give up on Southern independence.

"We believe that an independent South, or Hawaii, Alaska, or Vermont would be better able to serve the interest of everybody, regardless of race or ethnicity," said Michael Hill of Killen, Ala., president of the League of the South.

My analysts have given me some great insight about the potential responses by the U.S. Government in the event of such an uprising and we have concluded the following:

The League of the South may find comforting rhetorical cover for their anti-federalist platform by the Second Republic of Vermont, however, the last time a large group of people decided to pull away from the Union, they could comforably rely on Lee, Jackson and Longstreet to provide the muscle needed to wiggle away. We all know how that turned out for them and I think it would be naive for them to think that void will be filled by a bunch of smelly people throwing Ben & Jerry's ice cream cones while beating Djembes.

In fact, I recommend that we keep the National Guard at home in the event of such an uprising and send in a team of Cub Scouts looking for their civic duty badge. If the Second Republic of Vermont's resolve is stronger than anticated, a regiment of Brownies held in reserve can be sent in to crush their rebellion once and for all. Of course, accusations by human rights groups could be of concern by taking these actions, but they would be a small price to pay for restoration of the Union and to ensure that generations to come will remember the humiliation delivered to them by a tightly knit group of ruthless, giggling, 3rd grade girls.