It Has Begun

I'm generally a pretty positive guy. Looking around me at life in general, I can think of so many things that give me pleasures: friends, family, my passions, which include, but are not limited to climbing, drinking bourbon, inventing curse words, telling hilarious jokes, eating overpriced food and playing super loud guitar. In addition to all things ME, which are totally sweet, I feel lucky to live in this great country, with its freedoms, diversity and a citizenry that I generally am proud to be a part of. I think we as a people are capable of producing greatness unseen anywhere else in the world like the Internet, iPods, the defeat of Communism, landing on the moon via a guided 32 million horsepower explosion controlled by a computer that was equivalent to a Commedore 64. Innovation is limitless and I heart the collective efforts of individuals who continuually push the envelope towards a better life.

Then I read a story that is spits in the face of all that is wonderful and is proving that instead of soaring like eagles, we are only headed for the dustbin of history, but straight to Hell. While on my lunch break today, I clicked over to Drudge to see if there was any news on the latest developments in Pakistan, when I saw this article:

Britney Spears' 'Blackout' at No. 1

It's just a little bright light in Britney Spears' otherwise dim world. Her new album, "Blackout," will finish at No. 1 this week, according to all the chartmakers.

"Blackout" sold between 325,000 and 350,000 copies depending on whom you believe, but it's enough to put Spears ahead of Carrie Underwood — at least this week.

Read that again. This week, over three-hundred thousand people pulled out their wallets, threw down anywhere from $10 - $20 and purchased an album by a person who couldn't even manage to lip-synch properly at the spectacle of all things unholy: the MTV Music Awards.

I listen to a lot of music, but most of it includes people and bands you probably have never heard of. I feel quite aweful for these people because they've spent countless hours of their lives learning their instruments, honing they lyrical prowess, creating a unique voice and learning to play with other musicians of like calibur to create a product that will someday result in a record deal and, hopefully, a long-term career that will transcend playing in dingy bars, friends' backyard birthday parties and State Fairs.

Unfortunately, silly fools, you were mistaken in thinking that talent and musical skills are actually marketable items in today's culture. Apparently, the equation for success is flipped entirely on its head.

Whose fault is this? I used to blame the music industry. Seeing it from the inside during my days working in the industry, music was not driven by the talent (aka the producers and musicians themselves) as much as by the A&R people. These are the people who are supposidly hip towards what is "cool" and what should "sell." So, good songs get whittled down to three minute hooks that can be interchangable as either radio singles or jingles to sell Chevy trucks or Doritos. I used to go home depressed hearing written songs that took time to develop, set a mood and eventually took you soaring and dizzying heights with spectacular musicianship, only to literally be spiced apart and torn to shreds so they'd make more for a more palatable end product to the listening public. At the time, I must have been a naive 18 year-old, because I believed there was no way people were that stupid in that they'd chose to digest this gruel over proficient musicianship, right?

I didn't think the bar could possibly be set lower. I thought we reached the bottom when grown adults and college graduates began book clubs dedicated to discussing Harry Potter (This week, we'll discuss whether Dumbledore is gay!). No, we had to sink even further. We've collectively purchased enough albums to make her new album #1.

Our crowning diva has had her flashes of bad behavior, which are well documented and while thus not be discussed here, but that isn't the reason this is so troubling. After all, music history is littered with bratty and psychotic behavior that didn't just begin with the birth of rock and roll. Beethoven was undoubtably the biggest world class a-hole to reside this side of France. But, the difference between him and Ms. Spears is that he wrote music that still gives you the chills. People in music schools are still studying every note he wrote because it was prolific, inspiring, intelligent and mind blowing, whereas the only thing Ms. Spears is blowing is her...um bank account (Ok, maybe that's two things I was thinking of).

Redneck wannabe gangsta rappers getting Hummers aside, this speaks of an even greater evil. Namely, the only people that I can blame for this disaster are the very people whom I once had such great faith in. Forget it. Our civilization is burning and I no longer care to aid in putting out the fire.

Someone get me a stick and a bag of marshmellows.